I’m a fixer. It’s a role I should have noticed before. It’s why I have this affinity for problem solving. I enjoy solutions, especially creative ones.
There’s a host of reasons why this role came about.
My childhood was rife with things I couldn’t fix no matter how I wanted the power. I had no control over many things and it frustrated me that I felt helpless.
I prefer to think there’s nothing that can’t be “fixed” and by that, I mean a solution that I prefer. However, that is the urge that aided in my recent struggles. I tried to fix something that wanted to remain broken. So, each attempt was only seen as selfish manipulation… and it was. I wanted to mend it all because I wanted it mended. I wanted it in the state that I needed, that I expected, and seeing it broken only drove me up a wall.
Being a fixer isn’t a bad thing.
- I’m positive person who believes in action.
- I believe in making what I want only requires focus and work.
- I believe there is a solution to anything.
- I keep at it until I have what I want.
This is a core role for me and I need to understand how the gear turns and when it doesn’t work to my advantage.
For instance, when my problem deals with anyone else, I’m working with a completely different person who may not see the problem the same as I do. Which means they may not believe in my solution. This is where I should exercise control over the feeling “it’s broken”. I should come up with a way to pull myself back and understand if it really is broken or if I’m only seeing something I don’t like therefore I want to fix it.
Words I need to investigate for myself:
These are new roles that I want to explore.
researching “Fixer” and seeing if there’s some article on that as a personality type, I ran into this description of a Fixer in a relationship setting.
Not exactly my situation, but it was very helpful to read.
The more I think about this… the more I realize this was my whole problem from the get go.
I’ve equated my value & my acceptance to not only come from others, but based on what I can do for others.
Value and acceptance should come from within myself. When I can achieve that, there will no longer be any desperate need to fix anything. It’s that desperation that has made my life miserable.
I should kill the Fixer.